I hate when you’re drunk

I hate when you are drunk.

I hate when he was drunk.

I hate those kisses sounds you make me when you are drunk.

I hate that it remindes me of him when you are drunk.

I hate how drunk was his excuse to touch me.

I hate how it makes me feel and frighten when you are drunk.

I hate that you want me when you are drunk.

I hate the kisses sounds he used to make me when he was drunk.

I hate my drunk ex-stepfather.
Now I hate you when you’re drunk.

And I don’t wanna give them that

I don’t have the courage to do what’s necessary…
The pain I would leave behind me it’s just too much of a burden for the ones I love.
So even after death, this would be too much to carry.

One can wonder what’s really there after the big and final moment. Maybe nothing for the one leaving, but there is for sure a big struggle for the ones that survive you.
And I don’t wanna give them that.

So not even to this I have the guts…
I just wish…