Someone who loves you truly

And then he said to me:

“Someone who loves you truly,
Loves you and all the demons within…”

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ANGER!!!

My God! How mad i feel…
Can t even believe or even begin to understand why

I feel so mad, so angry, so disgusted! And all this feelings turn against you in seconds.
They turn inside my stomac, inside my brain, inside my veins.
When i feel this way, i turn from love to anger, from caring to hating, from wanting you good to not care. From wanting you close to never want to see you again, to never have to say your name again…
I can feel it so deeply…IN ALL MY BODY! I feel it inside…

But all this ugly things…they are me!
Can guess this has more to do with me, than with you! They are inside of me, not you.

Can t understand if this is fear of losing you? Fear of you making me look like a fool? Fear of going through all this again?

I feel so desperate with this pain. These days i just want to push you away. Don t wanna talk to you, don t wanna respond to you, don t want to think about you, don t even want to remembre you exist. Wanna kill you from inside of me…
I can feel the hate growing inside my chest. Just want to push you away, away from me! The fardest i can do, just to ensure you don t hurt me.

I hate the way you make me feel, I hate you, I HATE ME for hating you in some moments…

the truth is i hate him… and one day i ll see its not you, its not me…

And now?

I thought i was perfectly fine…
The truth finally came.

And NOW?
You WERE perfectt in me, and now i need to set you free
you have to walk away to let me find ME.

I did ran the world for you.
Could do anything to try to make that little girl’s life fair, for once!
But it’s only true, when they say the world ran without me…
See… I was stuck in you! I was only you!
Maybe that’s why all the voices in my head. Always felt like more than one person inside…

And Now?
Have i lost you?
What would be me without you?
I still don’t know, but I will be a better me!
I’m letting me go…

…So i can finally be ME!

 

From ME to ME

 

 

O que foi feito de ti?
Eras perfeita em mim
Será que foste tentar encontrar
Que te foste libertar
Esperei tanto por ti
E caiu um manto em mim
Será que te perdeste a caminhar?
Ou foi só para me castigar
E agora?
Será que te perdi?
E agora?
Se terminar aqui
O que será de mim sem ti
Corri o mundo por ti
Mas o mundo correu sem mim
Será que tu partiste para além mar?
Só para me abandonar
E agora?
Será que te perdi?
E agora?
Se terminar aqui
O que será de mim sem ti
Não fiques para trás meu bem
Não quero que te percas por aí
Nesta selva de betão
É só confusão
E agora?
Será que te perdi?
E agora?
Se terminar aqui
O que será de mim sem ti
By Mikkel Solnado e Joana Alegre

ESPERANÇA

“There are 3 things that make the truth:
knowing, believing, feeling…
I don’t know when or how this would change.
I don’t believe this will ever change.
I don’t feel this is possible.

But there’s also a fourth thing: Wanting
And i know i do WANT this to change! With all my strengths i want this metamorphosis to happen. So i have HOPE…”

“Oh, Hope? …I like hope. It’s a very good word…
And you know what? I know you can go wherever you WANT to go!”

“You think?”

“I know, i believe, i feel. And we’ll be here until you get all you want.
You just ENJOY and keep WANTING. KEEP HOPING…”

“I do…”

Building NEW

Demolishing…Wrecking…Transforming…Building me again!
No!…not again! ENTIRELY NEW! Neu! Nova! Nueva!

I want to be a whole new woman!
Whole in all senses! Wanna be confidente, wanna know i am enough! Wanna trust me to trust them. Really be a woman, not a girl…
New! To reinvent myself…to be free FROM my past! to be free TO my future!
Even better: TO BE HERE! – And that’s a new to me…

How do you reinvent yourself after so much history? How do you know what parts of you to keep? And what parts you want to let go?

And what if you feel that EVERY PARTS have to go?

Realized today, i still have a long way to go and, for now, only questions to ask!
Am I gonna make it? Am I gonna find the answers to it?

Still don’t know how. But I’m just gonna find the strenght to transform me. It’s way more than just actions, is a whole metamorphosis…